He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
