He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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