She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
