if you like me you must not know who I am
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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