are you still at the devil's house?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we're so committed to being not committed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
