i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
