pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
