My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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