my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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