Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
