I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
