He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
