in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
