that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
