why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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