I wish my penis had an off switch
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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