I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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