i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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