Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
