just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish my penis had a tongue
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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