So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
