I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize