dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
ugly people sure do ruin things
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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