he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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