i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
