You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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