i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Randomize
