just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
