Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
