Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
