I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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