i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Did I show you my penis last night?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
