I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize