WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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