His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
