Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
