ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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