Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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