Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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