She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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