First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Randomize
