I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize