have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
