he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
