we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
