What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
