if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize