Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
