I just threw up on my dentist
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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