just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
