He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
