God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
