So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
