i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize