you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
barbara walters just said penis...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
