i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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