someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
