I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
