he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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