He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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