i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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