My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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