Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
