She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
