Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
