We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
