i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
